drink it up.

little girl, are you real?

are your words as genuine as they sound,
can your eyes really be that soft?
my heart feels bound,
my lungs are gasping aloft.

arms go outstretched,
ligaments no longer distort,
a smile curls around thin lips,
and she breathes on my neck.

a shiver, a convulsion,
a paroxysm of utter glee.

I've never been so content
in playing someone's fool.

fuck the world.

I've been thinking with my head,
not my heart for too long.

I cried to my sister last night.
She's a realist and I was scared of her judging me.
I respect her opinion so much.
But then she softened and told me she approved.
Everything came out at once; it was messy but incredibly genuine.

Think what you want, but the "L-bomb" has been dropped.
Everything between Tash and I has been magic from the start.
I can't get enough of her, and she's so romantic and considerate.
I'm still holding on a bit, because this is a new overwhelming feeling.
I want to truly know it is love before I express it...
But so far she's pretty damn special.

I want my family to meet her.
I want my friends to meet her.
I don't care what people think, this is so crazy.

She's scared, I'm scared, but in a good way.

Holy shit I'm insane.

it's hard.

it's hard to tell myself I'm being naive.

it's hard to ignore my feelings merely because it's "too soon".

it's hard to hold myself back because I want this to be slow and special.

it's hard to not look in your eyes and feel a pain in my heart when I think about you.

a good kind of pain, a pain that has me smiling like a lame-ass.

You are so different. For the first time in ages, I'm able to be submissive.

I've been assertive for so long out of courtesy that I forgot how nice it was.

Yet here we are, and each time we're together you surprise me.

I'm a romantic at heart, someone who enjoys making people feel special.
But you say things that make me feel like only I exist.

Again, it's hard.
Things are so perfect right now that I don't want to fuck it up.
I want to be with you, but I don't want to jump into a relationship.
We only met Sunday for crying out loud. And yet.
I can't wait for that special day.
For now, we "date" and have little outings.
You say you want to know everything about me, and I promise it'll happen
Bit by bit.

I'll make everything right this time,
I just have to force myself to be patient.

change.

I can't go one day without a butterfly zooming over my shoulder,
demanding my attention.

liquid vision.

Why does the Earth stand still when a man cries?
Not a boy, but a man with a hollow heart.
His body hunches and contorts as a rebellion is born.
These salty tears are the sign of an ultimate low.
So dim those lights and draw the curtains;
He already feels like the whole world has their eyes on him.
In this moment, the male population is disgraced.
Tolerance and masculinity are replaced by the cowardice of a frail heart.
No more sweeping under the table.
He doesn't hold the cards.
Outside of comfort zones, he reacts oafishly out of instinct.
The child resurfaces and wants to be held again.
The man wants people to turn their backs and stop judging him.
After all, he's only human.


Signed the observant lesbian.



p.s.
Even if it was the second time, it still broke my heart to see him like that.