Funny thing is that the first time I watched this movie I was with Tash and only half-paying attention. Now being single, I'm incredibly happy I decided not to change the channel tonight. The computer was away and I had no one in particular to text, so I sat there giving it my full attention. And then: BAM. Everything started to sink in and I totally became involved with this movie. I cannot relate 100% because all life experiences are unique, but this time around I was truly able to look at every point of view in this movie and somehow connect it to how I feel. Tash, heartache, the mysterious agony of not knowing which way is up in a relationship or "crush" situation (cough ROCKY cough), the horrendous dynamics of what dating consists of, etc. My mouth was agape and my eyes devoured the screen with how much I fell in love with the symbolism. Dear God, I was in love for the period of time it was on. When it went off...I don't know how to describe how I felt/feel. I got into this hyper-sensitive state where I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then, of all things, I suddenly started singing in a bathroom. I was home alone tonight so I just let whatever came to my mind come out in a tune. It was so strange yet calming hearing my voice. Not to say I know how to sing, but it soothed me. Then I proceeded to do a barrage of random things. I sketched aggressive lines in a sketchbook, I took all the pictures off my camera and stored them, I wrote small tangents in my vent-book, I took random pictures in odd angles around my room, I blared music, and then decided I needed to write/type something out. So excuse the fact that is a long tangent.... I'm just getting my thoughts down. Quite frankly, I'm a mess. My mother came home drunk and crying and because of the state I'm in I regret to say that I did not have the patience tonight to soothe her. Her insecurities come out when alcohol is involved, and there's no reasoning with her. Anyway, that situation ended awkwardly and it's just another reason I needed a good vent.
Heartache has new meaning to me now, and I also am officially a fan to the movie 500 Days of Summer. I feel like I've been zoning in and out the last month since my break up and haven't really confronted my inner-feelings, so now.... (slight smile). I feel like I grew as a person, even if only a little.
Yet at the same time, these feelings are dark and morbid. I'm going to have to analyze all over again what type of person I am and what I want. More importantly, I'm committing myself to steer clear of commitment. I want to be spontaneous and in-the-moment. I want to work on me. I want to be ambitious. I want to laugh and smile, but also cry and reflect. I want to be inspired like this all the time and live on this high, this pure ecstasy, of feeling so damn-right enlightened.
That's all.
And then, of all things, I suddenly started singing in a bathroom. I was home alone tonight so I just let whatever came to my mind come out in a tune. It was so strange yet calming hearing my voice. Not to say I know how to sing, but it soothed me. Then I proceeded to do a barrage of random things. I sketched aggressive lines in a sketchbook, I took all the pictures off my camera and stored them, I wrote small tangents in my vent-book, I took random pictures in odd angles around my room, I blared music, and then decided I needed to write/type something out. So excuse the fact that is a long tangent.... I'm just getting my thoughts down. Quite frankly, I'm a mess. My mother came home drunk and crying and because of the state I'm in I regret to say that I did not have the patience tonight to soothe her. Her insecurities come out when alcohol is involved, and there's no reasoning with her. Anyway, that situation ended awkwardly and it's just another reason I needed a good vent.
Heartache has new meaning to me now, and I also am officially a fan to the movie 500 Days of Summer. I feel like I've been zoning in and out the last month since my break up and haven't really confronted my inner-feelings, so now.... (slight smile). I feel like I grew as a person, even if only a little.
Yet at the same time, these feelings are dark and morbid. I'm going to have to analyze all over again what type of person I am and what I want. More importantly, I'm committing myself to steer clear of commitment. I want to be spontaneous and in-the-moment. I want to work on me. I want to be ambitious. I want to laugh and smile, but also cry and reflect. I want to be inspired like this all the time and live on this high, this pure ecstasy, of feeling so damn-right enlightened.
That's all.
