inner feral child

Everyone has primal instincts. Everyone has outbursts of emotion where their teeth clench and their toes dig into the dirt. Arms flail, words become distorted or replaced by something less human, and savagery is adapted. Anger will always be within me, dormant but not inactive. No one suspects because I am the quiet one, the laughing one, the child who is so cutely naive. I smile so easily and the tears never come, but that doesn't mean I don't wish I could break. That's right: wish. I have a complex with weakness and cannot stand to have an audience when I cry. Even my presence urks me. Sometimes I wish I could lock myself in a white room, pull down the blinds, and take a deep breath. I'd pick up paint cans and make a lovely memoir to Jackson Pollock, embracing my inner feral child.

vent complete.

like puzzle pieces

you just fit with me. I was worried that our noses would clash and our first kiss would be awkward, but your lips fell onto mine with ease. like a magnet I am drawn to you, my shoulders rise and you seize my lungs and kidnap my breath for the longest moment imaginable. I zone out for an instant, forgetting I exist but what brings me back to reality is the fact that you are real; you are mine, I am yours, and you and everything else are things worth living for. I realize how grateful I am suddenly, how much I've changed, and how I feel like being with you has put me in the right direction in life. I feel content, loved, happy. I can't seem to ever get enough of you. the way the morning light hits your eyes, the way your mouth widens into an adorable toothy grin, that scent you wear, or how my skin seems to melt into yours by one little touch. it's never too soon when you're happy, that's my philosophy. time passes by and my feelings for you only strengthen more, if possible. I don't believe in perfect, but I believe what we have has perfection in our grasp. I love you.

the layers are peeling

my head is positively reeling

hung back, squinted eyes appear dazed

smiles are now contagious and amazed

by how easy this is.

to my protector.

jaded eyes are always watching me.
never judging, she is my protector.
she is the lioness acting on instinct,
the world is her prey and I am her offspring.
it seems I'm never old enough to leave her patrolling stare.
there is warmth behind the predator's exterior however,
and she can't help that her body is stiff.
she's learned to keep one eye open
but her heart is always there for me.
shimmering with gold, I look up to her always.
we are unique.
she is the yin to my yang
and we are closer even as opposites.
she makes me feel the warmth of my own sun
and I return the favor with moonlight.
our lungs fill with laughter together
and we exhale with a mutual smile.

she has always been there
and I need to learn that my protector isn't made of steel.
those jaded eyes tell me words are hanging on her lips,
but I need to be the initiator this time.

my sister,
I'm sorry.
I love you.

help I'm alive,

my heart keeps beating like a hammer.
they're going to eat me alive!
I tremble.

I'm inside of a tall building on the top floor. I'm standing on my toes, pressing my face against the glass and looking down. I lick my lips, my chest heaves, and my eyes widen momentarily. I'm afraid of heights, so I don't understand why I'm looking down and torturing myself with this anxious feeling. My last breath accumulates and stays trapped inside, too scared to exhale. I can hear the elevator button being pressed nearby for the thirty-fifth time. No one asks why I'm still here, even me. The adrenaline runs to my head, speeding up my heart rate and making the knot in my chest tighten. Punishment? Maybe. I do feel guilty. I just don't regret. Let me confront this, and when I fall back into reality I will land on my feet and scrunch my face painfully.

My toes hurt.